


I Love You Like Sin

by Skylar0Grace



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-29
Updated: 2009-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar0Grace/pseuds/Skylar0Grace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was easier if he didn’t love her but sometimes the easier option isn’t the easiest to achieve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You Like Sin

**Author's Note:**

> A submission for the Paradise Lost 'Rock the Boat' Challenge.

* * *

 

_I waited for the call and then the damn call came and I knew what I knew and didn't want to know_

_\- Live For Me by Blue Oyster Cult_

**Outside Austin, Texas, 2001.**

Dean Winchester finished wrapping the wound on his forearm and grasped the glass bottle, allowing the liquid to burn its way down his throat and take his mind off of the pain. He sat still for several minutes before he cleaned up the bed he was sitting on and lay back down, kicking his shoes off as his eyelids closed. Within minutes he was asleep, the mixture of alcohol and long nights overwhelming his body. He was awoken three hours later by the bright light and loud noise coming from his mobile phone. Sleepily he reached out, his thumb hitting the green button as he placed it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Is this Dean Winchester?”

Dean opened his eyes and a small frown crossed his features. Not many people had this number and he couldn’t place the girl’s voice. She sounded young and there was a thickness to her voice as though she had been crying recently. Dean sat up slowly.

“Maybe. Who’s this?”

“I’m looking for Dean Winchester. If you’re not him then I don’t want to talk to you. Are you Dean Winchester?”

Dean frowned further at her angry tone. “Yes, I’m Dean Winchester.”

She took a deep breath and her voice was shaky as she released it. “I have a letter here which says to call you if something happened and something happened and so I’m calling. I don’t know who you are but you must have been someone she trusted and this was something she wanted me to do.”

Dean closed his eyes as the girl babbled and took the opportunity of her drawing breath to cut in.

“I’m sorry, who are you again?”

There was a small silence before he heard an almost whispered “Dawn Summers” and his heart sped up. “Excuse me?”

“My name is Dawn Summers. My sister- ”

“Buffy.”

“Yeah,” she replied slowly, “she wrote me this letter.” Dawn’s voice choked up. “She said to call you if something happened.”

“Is she alright?” Dean asked.

He’d met Buffy a couple of years back when their Dad had been following up on a string of vampire attacks. Dean had seen her take out a vampire one night and he’d explained he was a Hunter. That had only served to make her mad. Apparently she’d run into a Hunter a few weeks previously who hunted for sport. Dean had made his position clear, she’d explained she was the Slayer and they’d struck a tentative friendship. Dean had never told his Dad about meeting the Slayer. Over the years, she’d called if she needed extra help with something and he usually tried to help her out. Since he’d begun hunting on his own he’d been expecting her call but he hadn’t heard from her.

“She’s dead.”

The declaration was followed by sobs and Dean felt sick to his stomach. The rest of the conversation passed by quickly and Dean wasn’t even sure if he had said anything. Dawn had mentioned something about no funeral and when she hung up Dean sat still for several minutes. His Dad was expecting him back the following day and although he knew he shouldn’t, Dean grabbed his keys, jumped into the Impala and headed for Sunnydale.

* * *

 

_I've been travelling but I don't know where; I've been missing you but you just don't care_

_\- Laugh, I Nearly Died by Rolling Stones_

**Somewhere outside Knoxville, Tennessee, 2003.**

A sign was lit up by the headlights on the Impala informing Dean about the distance to the nearest petrol station. Honestly, Dean had no idea where he was. The job outside of Knoxville had come to a close and he’d planned on staying the night in the motel while he looked for the next one but that had been before he’d gotten the call. Dean had been climbing into the Impala when his mobile had rung and as soon as he heard Dawn’s voice on the line, all thoughts of finding the nearest motel had gone out the window.

He hadn’t spoken to her since she’d called to tell him of Buffy’s death but her voice, in fact that call, was ingrained in his memory. Dawn had told him that she was sorry she hadn’t called earlier but that Buffy was alive. Dean had ignored the feeling that his heart had started beating again as he listened to her. Apparently her friends hadn’t wanted her to suffer in a hell dimension and had found the means to use magic to bring her back.

Dawn soberly told him how she hadn’t known about the spell beforehand and that Buffy had let it slip that she’d actually been in heaven before she’d been torn out of there. Dawn had come across Buffy’s letter that day and realised that he’d still thought Buffy was dead. Needing to rectify it, she’d called.

But it had been the moment that Dawn had told him that Buffy had been brought back two years prior that was the real kick in the gut. No one had called to tell him she was alive; _she_ hadn’t called. They had been friends and she hadn’t even thought to tell him she was alive. He couldn’t think of why she wouldn’t call and the more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter and even the sounds coming from the tape deck did nothing to help. Trees and shrubbery passed by quickly and he hadn’t even realised he’d reached the town until the last streetlight disappeared from view behind him. He didn’t have anyone to vent on anymore because Sammy was at Stanford and his Dad was somewhere north. He wasn’t sure exactly where but that’s the direction the last call had come from.

Dean pressed his foot down harder on the pedal and tried to let the sounds of the Impala speeding off into the night calm him down.

* * *

 

_Love never should have entered; it was never in the plan_

_\- Monsters by Blue Oyster Cult_

**Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 2009.**

“Who’s Buffy Summers?”

Dean stilled and he slowly turned to face his brother. Sam looked at him enquiringly and Dean frowned slightly.

“Dean?”

Dean cleared his throat and hoped his voice didn’t betray him. “Just someone I used to know. Why?”

“You dated?” Dean shook his head, not confident enough to speak and Sam frowned. “She called after you, you know and when I told her you’d died in a car accident she made me tell her the truth, told me she hunted too. I didn’t know you knew any female hunters other than Ellen and Jo.”

“She called?” Dean asked, his voice quiet and unsure.

“Yeah, about a week after…she was looking for you.”

Dean frowned and tried to put together the pieces. He hadn’t heard anything about her after Dawn’s last phone call. Sunnydale had been destroyed not long after and he’d checked the register of survivors but they hadn’t been there and he wasn’t really surprised. If they did make it out, they wouldn’t have filed out with everyone else. Buffy would have been right there when it collapsed. But that had been just over five years ago. Dean had long since come to the conclusion that somewhere along the line he’d fallen in love with the Slayer; after all, he wouldn’t be so hurt otherwise but as the years passed and there was no word from her, Dean tried to make himself forget about Buffy Summers.

“Did she say why?”

The question had more than one meaning but Dean didn’t expect Sam to know that. He just needed to say it out loud to stop the question eating at him. Sam watched his brother curiously.

“No, just that she was looking for you.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Sam turned back to Dean, trying once more to get some sort of discernment into his brother’s personal life.

“Dean- ”

“She’s the Slayer, okay? She’s not a Hunter, she’s a Slayer and we knew each other a long time ago. That’s it, end of story.”

Dean knew Sam had heard the finality in his voice but Sam’s eyes ran over his face numerous times before his eyes widened.

“Was this before you knew Cassie?”

Dean probably didn’t have to answer one way or the other. The question sounded like a rhetorical one but Dean instinctively turned away so that Sam wouldn’t see any emotion on his face. The act itself spoke volumes and Sam, seeing his brother’s difficulty, let the issue drop. They continued to sit in silence as the people in the bar milled around them, the silence between them drowned out by the din.

* * *

 

_You’re so afraid of being honest with yourself, you’d better take a look inside your head. Nothing is easy, nothing good is free_

_\- Fight The Good Fight by Triumph_

**Cincinnati, Ohio, 2009.**

Sam had been watching him for weeks and Dean had been just about to explode with annoyance when Sam had cornered him in a bar after he’d had a few beers. As soon as Dean had seen him approaching with that look on his face, he’d tried to look for an escape route but Sam had set it up well.

“Tell me about her.”

Dean shook his head and ordered a scotch from the bartender. “No Sam.”

“This isn’t healthy Dean. She obviously isn’t just some woman you used to know.”

Dean quickly drank the amber fluid before him and concentrated on the burn rather than his curious brother.

“Dean…”

Dean slammed his glass down on the bar and motioned for another one. The bartender eyed him before bringing over the bottle.

“Sam, I don’t wanna talk about her.”

Sam didn’t even flinch at the warning tone and stared at Dean unwaveringly. Dean sighed with agitation.

“I met her when we went to Sunnydale on that job with Dad. Every now and then she’d call and ask for my help and then just before you went to Stanford, she died. Friends used magic to bring her back a few months later.”

Sam seemed to consider it for a moment before he looked back at Dean and studied him. Dean tried his best to ignore him and when he finally looked at him, Sam tilted his head a little.

“So, you gonna call her back? I mean, she does think you’re dead.”

Dean paused. Buffy did think he was dead. Buffy thought he was dead and he hadn’t called her to say he wasn’t. Closing his eyes in pain, Dean took a steadying breath before pulling out his wallet and throwing some money on the bar. Sam gave a small grin and followed Dean outside without a word. The tires spun and gravel was thrown in the air as the Impala sped off toward Cleveland.

* * *

 

_Everyday I spend away my souls inside out_

_\- I’d Come For You by Nickelback_

As the Impala pulled up outside of a large group buildings, Dean’s eyes scoured the lawns. There were several groups of girls training and Dean quickly distinguished Buffy’s form from the others. She was walking from one side of the assembled group to the other and occasionally correcting and wrong moves she saw. The soft outdoor lamps that were providing the light for the girls was casting a soft glow around her and Dean moved quickly to the gates, sure his nerve would run out if he took too long.

Dean strode through the large iron gates and his presence caused a few to turn in his direction. Buffy turned to see what all the distraction was about and her eyes opened in surprise upon seeing the two men striding toward her, one whom she hadn’t seen in years and had thought dead.

His name slipped softly from her lips and he needed no further incentive. The closed the last few feet and crashed his lips onto hers. It only took the briefest of moments before the shock wore off and she responded but it had felt like the longest few moments of his life. Her kiss brought a sense of closure and he deepened it, tasting her as if she were the last thing he ever would.

He pulled away reluctantly and leant his forehead against hers. “I missed you.”

He saw her beautiful green eyes gaze up at him filled with questions. “How?” she whispered.

Dean took a step back. “I don’t know. Something pulled me out and though they’ve had a clear shot, the demons are staying the hell away. It must be pretty powerful if it has everyone so scared.”

“Dean…”

“I’ve stayed away for over five years Buffy and I can’t do it anymore. Just…not knowing…”

Buffy gave him a small smile before she took a step forward, this time initiating the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers found their way into his hair as she pulled him closer and Dean pulled her hips closer to him, relishing in the feel of her being so close to him.

“We have a lot to talk about,” she said as she pulled back, “but please let us help you. We can figure this out together.”

 

The last word rang over and over in Dean’s head and he smiled warmly at her. A small nod of the head and he pulled her face closer to his, kissing her lips. He didn’t know what had pulled him out of hell, or for what reason, but he was more than willing to tackle it head on now.


End file.
